We have long recognized that having an organized approach to family involvement in our treatment program was desirable, but we had not developed a model for doing this. With advice on what works best from a few other programs which offer such components, we are now offering a Family Days component. These two interactive and educational days are offered to all family members and friends free of charge. We will be offering this on a continuing basis throughout the year, so if you miss one set of dates, there will be another one coming reasonably soon.

The emphasis of this aspect of the program is to provide as much information over a two day span as we can about the nature of eating disorders, the course of treatment and recovery, and what you can expect to encounter with your family member working to overcome the disorder. Most of the material will be presented in a lecture format, with plenty of opportunity for questions, discussion and networking with other families.

A second goal we want to address involves a therapeutic activity carried out in a group format. This will have been discussed in advance with your family member, and she will have decided if she wishes to follow up on it at this time. If she does want to do so, she will then discuss it with you, or arrange for us to do so. The exercise is a communication exercise, and all Family Days attendees are present as observers, even if they are not actually participating in the exercise itself.

While our initial focus is on clients who are currently residing at Westwind, we are going to use a model of including both our outpatient families and former clients and family.

The knees to knees exercise is an optional component of Westwind’s family days. Each client is given the option to participate with one or more family member. After discussing the option with your family member(s), each participant is asked to pre-prepare a written statement to be read aloud during the exercise. The prepared piece is to be made up of a series of short statements that you will read aloud to your partner. The first set of statements prepared are to begin with the prefix “I regret . . .” This is an opportunity to clearly identify any regrets you might have that you think could be beneficial to say to your partner. The second set of statements are to begin with “I want . . .” Think of things you want for and/or from your partner. The third and final set of statements begins with “I appreciate . . .” Under this heading you can list any things you want your partner to know that you appreciate about them. You can list as many or as few statements as you like under each of the three headings.

The knees to knees exercise is usually done as the closing activity of each day. To begin, the two participants sit facing each other in the centre of the room, with all staff, clients and family members present . The partner choosing to begin first will read his / her first statement beginning with “I regret . . .” Immediately following this statement, the other participant is to respond by saying “I hear you say . . .” and repeating back the statement the first partner said. For example:
Participant #1: “I regret that I’ve been dishonest with you about my progress in recovery.”
Participant #2: “I hear you say that you regret that you’ve been dishonest with me about your progress in recovery.”

When repeating back the original spoken statement, it is valuable to attempt to re-state it as closely as possible to how it was originally spoken. You may find yourself disagreeing with a statement that is spoken or wish to clarify your feelings or thoughts. However, it is important to echo back the statement to help your partner feel that they have been heard, saving further discussion of the statements for another time. Once the second partner has echoed back the statement, the first participant then reads their second “I regret . . .” statement, again followed by the second participant echoing it back beginning with “I hear you say . . .” Once the first participant has read all of his/her “I regret . . .” statements, the second participant will then read his/hers, with each of his/her statements also followed by the response “I hear you say . . .” Once all of the “I regret . . .” statements have been read by the second participant, the same process is repeated with the statements beginning with “I want . . .” and “I appreciate . . .” Once each participant has read all of their statements under each of the three headings, the staff, clients and family members will have the opportunity to offer feedback to the participants about the process they observed.

We believe that the knees to knees exercise is a great opportunity for family members to practice assertive and meaningful communication with each other, which can positively affect recovery. The structure and format offers a safe environment to say things that can sometimes feel vulnerable or scary. You may find that some of the statements spoken can offer a new perspective or open the door for further discussion on the matter at another time. We hope that each participant can leave the exercise feeling confident that they communicated effectively and were heard.

We hope you will join us for this invaluable experience, keep an eye out for future Family Days dates. For more information contact Bryan at Westwind at 204-728-2499.